Sunday, July 6, 2008

whaahooo!!

no reason for that title except life is grand. :)

I have so much work to do.. I dont even know why Im in a great mood. :) Maybe I'll crank the tunes and dance while I pine away at the chores..

for now though, here I am and I have just consumed a pb&j whole wheat sandwich. :)
im still hungry. hmm. It takes about twenty minutes for your brain to register whether you are full or not. I'll wait.

Okay, while I procrastinate, I'll tell you a little story. One of the many experiences with Aries. I have neglected my Aries story for some time now and all those interested may enjoy stories. And that is what is going to happen now as I really cant recall when and what point they happen. It's a blur of experience now.. I'll tell it like I remember.

Aries and I were very extreme. We were TOTALLY in LOVE or ANGRY beyond despise at each other. When we were in LOVE, we would spend the day in bed. We would make love, nap, shower and repeat. Sometimes no shower and we would carry on through the night. We weren't always loud and I dont think we were ever obnoxious for the neighbouring roommates to hear.. but we would "do it" all night and wake to shower and go out to breakfast. I absolutely LOVED his scent which says a lot to me as I am not one to like sweat or smell or spit.. maybe I'm a bit odd that way? But oh, I could breathe in his scent and feel calm and secure. Maybe it was the Nivea soap he used, but it smelt only a hint like him which is the same as his deodorant. I have a necklace that has this faint smell still on it which he used to own. (remember the aries necklace? yep, that's the one.)

I loved his body too. He was only an inch or so taller than me and most of the hairy parts of him was covered with this baby soft, lightly tinted strawberry blond hair. This was another first for me; I never liked hairy men. He worked out too. I want to say that was another first for my man, but that's getting boring. Let's say I was attracted to the scrawny man and he was the opposite.. pleasantly the opposite.

His eyes though.. sometimes they had bags under them (probably because we were up so damn late certain days..) but the blue of his eyes.. they were amazing to me. Maybe it's because I dated mostly men with brown eyes.. but I could just stare into his eyes and be lost yet happy forever. Those eyes felt like they pierced into my soul and could see all there was to see about me. I believed he could, too. It wasn't until way later after we broke up and went our separate ways did I realize this wasn't so. That will be a different story, though.

He was a romantic. He would set up things like a bath with rose petals in it and candles for me to relax in.. or sing to me, just me, and really give his full attention. He would take me to dinner and hold the door open. Aries was a master at the romance thing. It's unfortunate that he had his fantasies of groupies swooning their breasts all over him and practically his choice of women each and every night. I am one for monogamy and faithful, undying devotion to your partner. I think he wants that too, deep inside. Sure, he would still want the women fighting over him, but I think he would consider life to be perfect if he didn't have to resist those temptations due to being so IN LOVE with someone, to not even consider cheating. Does that make sense?

I am different though. When I am with someone, even if I am not in love, I dont consider anyone else. I am with someone and I am not going to be with anyone else. Of course, that has come to bite me in the behind as I think almost every man I have been with (Aries says he didn't) has cheated on me and either admitted it or I found out. But I do believe that I wouldn't want that to be done to me, so I am not going to do it to anyone. I typically just left that person once I found out, never to return. There is only one person I gave that second chance, and I don't even think I actually COULD give it a second chance at first.

Anyhow.. Aries was AMAZING at being clean. He would fold his clothes before bed and pile them on the dresser. He would do his own dishes and take off his shoes at the front door. He hung his coat and did his own laundry. This ladies, is a keeper. I wish I had someone like that now. What a dream that is to me. I NEED that help. This isn't just a want anymore..

I could see myself marrying this man. I mean, I could actually VISUALIZE marrying him. Me. Him. Walking down the aisle, flowers in hand. Yep. Spending the rest of my life with him. Up until that first fight.

I don't know how many of the arguments started out, but damn, they were screaming matches or just plain abandonment of each other. Actually, that's not true. I NEVER walked away from him. He walked out on me all the time. And he wouldn't come back for maybe days. This was no walk out and come back two hours later after we "cooled" down. This was a walk out and "f" you. And the fights were over STUPID things. Useless things. Actually, I guess one thing was pretty important. I smoked pot and he didn't like me getting high. I do believe he KNEW this about me when we hooked up. I was a hippie pot smoker going no where but living happily with my friendships and hobbies. One of my hobbies just included smoking pot. You would think a "rock star" wouldn't mind that. But that was me and my life back then. He couldn't accept that.

Of course though, one of us would call the other and would want to talk. Talking lead to guitar playing, and that lead to .. well, what did we do best? Yeah, I will let you figure that out. And the cycle continued.

Another hobby of mine was journaling. I was strange at journaling though. I would flip to just about any ol' page I felt was comfortable to write on and would write. I don't really feel right about calling it journaling though, because most of what I wrote was NOT about me or my life at that time. I would write poetry.. or something I thought was from someone else's perspective in a certain situation. And Aries HAD to read through it. Although I asked him not to, and even wrote at the beginning of it that it was my PERSONAL space, please respect my privacy, he STILL read through it and would be pissed off at things he THOUGHT were about him. Betrayal. I couldn't stand it. If I couldn't trust him to not read it, then I would have to lock it up. I didn't WANT to lock anything up from what I thought could be my lifelong partner. I wanted him to have the self discipline to NOT look through it. To RESIST temptation. One major flaw with this guy. He thought I had secrets and he was determined to find them. Especially if they were about him.



I guess that's not really a story, but a collaborative collection of memories and traits. Maybe one night I will put some good thought into a nice story and write it down, then type it out the next day. Not on a whim like today. :)

Have a lovely Sunday! I may be back, I may not! Thank you to all who are reading!

2 comments:

Cookie Sunshine said...

I hope you return.

Cookie

senacia said...

Oh, somebody LOVES me! *smile*

I will return eventually.. I meant maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, could be the next day! But it makes me feel great that you are still reading my ramblings and enjoy them! :)

I hope you keep coming back!